Wending My Way, HIS Way

This girl right hur is goin' on a mission!

(I'm practicing my hick talk)

I am so terribly excited.

I want to share my experience of how I decided to go, because it is miraculous and pretty much awesome, and it proves that God is real and good.

Now, let me just say one thing.....

I have a firm testimony that the adversary will do anything to get us off the path
Heavenly Father wants us to be on. I can say that over the past month, I have felt his influence in my life stronger than ever before.

But- I know without a doubt that light will always overcome darkness.

About a month ago, I had an experience that told me very strongly that I needed to serve. I was driving back to Provo from visiting family one Saturday,
and the thought came into my mind and I just KNEW.

I realized I had known for a while, but I had been pushing it out of my mind, because, well,

1. I was scared.

2. I had just gotten into the Nursing Program, so why would I leave?!

3. I had never thought I would serve a mission, it just wasn't in my plan. I was going to be a nurse and go deliver babies in Africa and Tonga! That's a worthy goal, right?

{my dream}

Well, okay..... I couldn't really see how it was going to happen, but I knew it needed to.

I went to church the next day, and as I listened to the testimonies that were given, I felt the same way. I knew, and I couldn't deny it.

I called my mom that night, talked (or more like cried like a baby) to her about it, and decided to meet with my bishop to move forward with my plan.

{Insert intense opposition here}

But, the great thing about the Savior is He will never make us go through something we can't handle, and just when it seems like we can go no more, He is there to shine the light.

I began the process of filling out my papers, and even though I was still terrified and didn't understand completely why or how,
I had a quiet, yet strong, feeling that what I was doing was right.

I trusted in that feeling with everything I had (which honestly, sometimes didn't feel like much), and moved forward in faith.

Before I got my call, there were so many times I thought I wasn't going to be able to do it.

Things kept coming up, and just when I thought I had gotten over one hurdle, there was another one right after it (and actually, it's still kind of that way,
so for those of you preparing for missions, don't give up!!).

On one particular day after I'd submitted my papers, I was feeling terrible. I decided I needed to do something to show the adversary I wasn't going to let him win, so I went to the bookstore on campus and bought a brand spankin' new Book of Mormon.

I also decided to buy a bookmark that had a phrase on it from
one of my favorite hymns, the pioneer song "Come Come ye Saints":

(the very bookmark itself)

I found a quiet place to sit down, and I wrote in the cover of my new Book of Mormon about my testimony of the pioneers. I've always been inspired by them, just by how they sacrificed so much, they gave everything they had, to follow the Savior.

Were their lives easier after they made that decision? 

No. If anything, life got harder!

But they pressed on. The fire of the covenant burned in their hearts, and they gave up everything to follow the Savior, wholly and completely, never looking back.

And even though they had a million reasons to stay,
they went, because God told them to.

I determined right then and there that I would be like the pioneers. Even though I didn't understand why I needed to serve, even though it wasn't in my plans, even though I felt completely inadequate and insignificant, even though I didn't know what would happen to my family while I was gone, and I was so scared to leave behind my family, friends, and beloved Provo, I made the decision to trust in HIS plan, and move forward in faith and confidence, just like they did, never looking back.

Fast forward two weeks.

My call had arrived.

{side note: I was on campus in the library studying when my mom texted me that my call had come, and I started hyperventilating, ran home to my apartment, and threw up. I was terrified.}

I spent the next two days distracting myself in various ways, one of which included a spur-of-the-moment decision to run a 5k (see below).

After a few of the longest days of my life, I finally found myself sitting in a chair in my living room at home, surrounded by my family, and holding that big white envelope in my hands.

I opened it up, and started to read.

"Dear Sister Brower,

You are hearby called to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Nebraska Omaha mission {bewilderment}. In addition to your calling to share the gospel, you will be assigned to serve in the Mormon Trail at Winter Quarters historic site {tears and an awkward long pause as I tried to pull myself together}."

Mormon Trail.... Winter Quarters.....

When I read those words, the most amazing feeling came over me, and I KNEW.

It didn't matter that I was so sure I would go to Africa or some other crazy place.

Honestly, Nebraska was the last place I would have picked for myself. I mean, they love popcorn there, and I do too, but that's about the only thing we have in common.

(Nebraskan popcorn.... I can tell we are going to get along with each other very well)

But that didn't matter.

It was like Heavenly Father telling me, in His own special way, that he understood the sacrifice I was making. That I would be strengthened, just like the pioneers, as I already had been and would be as I continued on in faith, without doubting or looking back.

I hadn't known it before, but He had prepared me for this call by giving me quiet promptings about the strength of the pioneers over the past few weeks, like that day when I was feeling so small and insignificant in the BYU Bookstore, and many other times throughout my life as well.

Those moments weren't just a coincidence.

How can God NOT know who I am?

How can He NOT be real?

 I know He is.

And I am SO excited for this adventure to serve Him and grow closer to Him than ever before.

Although I don't understand all things,
with joy, I will wend my way, just like the pioneers,
trusting in God, never looking back.

Amen.